Cycle of abuse – you pass it because you already have it!
Abuse has no definitive boundaries considering it can involve anything from the occasional verbal abuse to the more extreme abuse that can include derogatory verbal, sexual, physical and mental maltreatment that occurs on a regular basis.In an ideal environment children will typically do as their parents or guardians do, not as they say. This is where they will learn life examples from the role models that interact with them daily, humane or inhumane.
Children that are born into a family where one or more family members exhibits violence will pass this behavior onto their own children out of bad habits and example. After all this is all the child knows, so it is reasonable to expect that they will continue on with this behavior until someone intervenes and shows them that it is wrong. Baring this is mind, it is a reasonable assumption that a child who has been directly involved with a violent existence throughout their entire childhood will more than likely pass this type of behavior on to their own children.
A child naturally seeks approval from the role models in their life, even if it involves receiving negative attention. This is a direct result from years of abusive cycles in families that have not received any type of guidance. Any child that comes from this type of environment is literally programmed to become an abusive parent as this is the basic life skills that they have learned when it comes to dealing with children, but statistics show us that this is not necessarily true. Being a child of abuse myself I can honestly say that I could have easily been an abusive parent, but instead I broke the cycle within my own family out of a sheer desire to raise happy, healthy children.
Adult survivors of child abuse have only two choices in life, either they learn to control their behavior or they continue to remain a victim, passing on bad behavior in a continuing vicious cycle. Controlling yourself can be easier said then done as your self-concept has been tattered, and quite often you are made to feel like the abuse was completely brought on by your own actions. The majority abusive parents were themselves abused in some way as a child. These parents hit or neglect their children because they were hit or neglected, and they become inadequate parents because of the inadequate parenting they received, but this in no way means that all parents who were abused as children become abusive parents.
Breaking the cycle of abuse is strictly up to each individual, and this starts by coming to terms with the abuse you suffered as a child, whether it was verbal, physical, sexual or emotional, you must face it by talking to others in group counseling, therapy, or the abuser themselves. When adult survivors get deeply in touch with their own pain, and better understand it clearly, they no longer want to take it out on their own children.
Information courtesy :Sherri Granato
Photo courtesy:Y&R, México